It is so sad that society has set a boundary for men when it comes to expressing their feelings. It is expected of a man not to show excessive emotions. Even if they want to, not in the presence of others. Why? Men are no different from women, even if they are not supposed to show any emotions at all, nature won’t allow them to feel it. As long as you can feel it, you should be able to express it however you want.
The truth is, a bad breakup is not easy to deal with. Either for the man or for the woman. A sweet love rock boat suddenly capsizing and turning sour is very hard to deal with. After loving and losing, different emotions like the sense of betrayal, rejection, and dejection would erupt like a volcano, with almost no single answer as to why it’s happening.
In this article , you would be exposed to how to cope with a breakup, whether you are the dumper or you were dumped, either it was a bad breakup or a healthy one, and most importantly how to heal completely and move on without hurting others.
How long for a guy to get over a break up?
There is no rule or time gauge whatsoever as to how long it takes a guy to get over a breakup, not even for women. It depends on how much love and affection you share with the person before the breakup, the cause of the breakup, and how well you can manage your emotions. It could take some men years, and some, a few months, sometimes, just days. People heal at different paces, but the most important thing is for you to heal.
A poll conducted by a market research company on behalf of Yelp suggests that it takes about an average of 3.5months to heal from a breakup, while divorce may take about 1.5years or more.
A New York post revealed that when it comes to a man versus woman after a breakup, a man tends to be more heartbroken. However, some factors may affect how long it takes for a guy to get over a break up.
Factors that affect how long it takes for a guy to get over a breakup
How much commitment you had in a relationship would determine how hurt you will be after a breakup. Imagine breaking up with someone you already got used to, made plans with, met with families, and shared what seemed like an inseparable bond, ouch! It all starts to dawn on you the moment you realize you do not have any social life without them. You feel the vacuum and then regrets set in. It is worse when you have lived together and shared personal property.
Cause of the breakup
What causes a breakup also goes a long way on how much time it takes you to heal. If a breakup happened because of infidelity, especially with someone you trusted so much, the aftermath could be pretty awful for you to handle. More often, it affects your next relationship if you do not heal properly.
If your relationship was a healthy one that is totally or almost free of toxicity, it would take longer for you to heal. Unlike when the relationship was always full of problems, fights, or a lot of communication problems. You would be surprised if you feel some kind of relief instead of hurt.
Who did the dumping
Either you are the dumper or the dumped, you will still feel the breakup. But if you are the one who did the dumping, a lot of thinking would have gone into it before you decided to do it. Even if it hurts a lot, you would know how to go about a breakup you caused.
Stages of breakup for guys
No matter how much time it takes you to heal from a breakup, you will pass through some stages.
This happens mostly when you are not the dumper. You feel like it is some sort of a dream or a joke. When you think about all the time and beautiful moments you’ve spent together, you would not want to believe it is really over. At this stage, you have thoughts like ‘she’s coming back, it is just one of the rough times’ ‘this should be some kind of prank’ ‘is she trying to test my love for her?’ or ‘it can just be her hormones messing with her’.
You make different excuses for it not to be true, but my guy, it’s the bitter truth.
The moment you finally come to the realization that it is true you are single again, you naturally get angry. You get angry at her, at yourself, even at the doormat she stepped on the last time she was at your place. You get frustrated for failing at love, and start thinking ‘how could I allow this to happen?’ ‘How come I didn’t see this coming?’ even at worst you may be thinking ‘I should have done it before she did’
Finally, you come to terms with the fact that the deed is done. You feel sad, depressed, and withdrawn from the outside world. Nothing interests you anymore, only the thoughts of the thing you had with her before the breakup. At this stage, you tend to grieve as if the person is dead, just because you can’t have them to yourself any longer. You may slip back to either of the first two stages because you will do a lot of overthinking.
You try to brush off your broken heart, with the hope of mending it where it hurts. You try and go outside to find your ‘game’ as the big boy that you are. But then you realize it’s just you trying to override your emotions which would never go well, my guy.
Bruh, the deed is done! At this stage, you come to terms with the fact that you just love someone you love, and she is not coming back. By this moment, you would not be fantasizing about her coming back or you getting back together, even if you still love her. It’s just you accepting that life has to go on.
How can a man get over a breakup fast?
You have to move on! That is an indisputable fact. If you don’t, she will, so what’s the point? There are some things you should do to get over a breakup without leading to a problem with your future partner(s).
Admit you are not fine
Yes, society expects you to be fine always but you can’t be; not when you just lost someone who used to be precious and close to your heart. Have a conversation with yourself and admit the fact that the breakup gets to you and you are not fine by it. You can’t let go of your sadness if you do not accept the fact that it is there in the first place. Shoving it down without admitting that it hurts would even cause more problems to you physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
Quit taking the blame
Yes, you may be the one at fault, but take it easy on yourself. The other person also must have contributed to the breakup in one way or the other. Stop taking all the blame and forgive yourself.
If you can’t find any blame to put on your ex, cook up one! ‘Maybe she doesn’t even like me right from the start’ ‘ she doesn’t even deserve me anyways’ (definitely joking about that, but you should try it, lol)
Make use of the ‘block’ button
I am dead serious about this; do it! Block your ex! There is nothing you want to gain from viewing her posts except reminiscing about you two together. You need to heal, so at the early stage of your bad breakup, brick them on all social media platforms.
If seeing their phone number would tempt you to put a call through, delete it. You need your peace and nothing should compromise that.
Imagine viewing posts of your ex having fun with friends, or even at worst, with the new guy! That’s gross! So, block your ex, even if it’s temporary.
This doesn’t mean seeing a therapist in the real sense. You may decide to get a diary and write how you feel about the breakup. Your manly ego may not allow you to sit in front of a therapist, so get a diary. It is highly recommended to be therapeutic when you write down your feelings.You can also talk to your mirror and let it all out.
If you however feel comfortable with the process, talk to a therapist.
A study asserts that the aftermath of a breakup is like cocaine withdrawal. There is no cheat as to how to deal with a breakup alone; you need people. Don’t wrap yourself up on the couch with the TV remote and gamepads all day. Go out, hang out with friends. Find interesting things to do. Go to the movies, take a walk, go see your favorite team play, and attend parties but take it easy with alcohol consumption.
Don’t try to be friends with your ex
Trust me when I say you do not owe your ex any friendship, especially not at the early stage. You may want to do it out of pressure of “manning up” and not see your ex as your enemy. Bro, it is not a battle; you only need to heal. Friendship may come later, but pretty much after you are sure you’ve completely healed.
Try dating again
You read that right! Do it again! A breakup is not worth giving your life to celibacy. Try to meet new people and fall in love again. You would not find a better person if you do not try. But, please, make sure to avoid ranting about your ex to the new person you just met. Sorry to break it to you, but if you still talk about your ex at the slightest opportunity, you have not completely healed.
How to get over a breakup when you still love each other?
Sometimes, both parties are not at fault when a breakup happens. It may either be family issues, health issues, distance, difference in plans amongst other things. Things to do in this situation include;
- Create some space between each other in order to heal
- Keep yourself busy
- Try not hang out in places where it is easy for you two to see
- Take some time to yourself, grieve and do some self-care
- Talk to people who are ready to listen to your rants without judging
- Pick a lesson from the breakup and motivate yourself with it.
- Try to be friends again after you have completely healed, and if possible, rekindle your love lamp.
Signs you are getting over a breakup
- When you get comfortable with being alone without your ex
- When seeing lovers together doesn’t make you cringe
- When it doesn’t hurt to be think about your ex
- When you can finally engage in activities you used to do together without feeling hurt
- When you do not fear bumping into your ex
- When you feel you are ready to love again
Contrary to the misconception people hold against men, men are not stone-hearted. They have feelings too. Things get to them too. Breakups affect them too because they are humans. So, do not swallow your emotions and give in to what the society expects of you. If a breakup is affecting you, accept that, work on yourself, and find ways to heal completely, rather than remaining broken behind the societal mask. Yes, you are a man and your feelings are valid too, King!
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